I have wrote before about the struggle I deal with at time excepting that my father is gone. Today was his 73 Birthday !!! I really believe that G-d knew how hard today was going to be because he sent me great friends to spend it with. I miss him so much more than I could ever put into words. Sometimes I wish I could have a one day pass to see him, but then I know one day would never be enough.
My father was not a religious man by any means, but the one thing he did believe was that when you passed on your spirit was sent back to nature. It's an old Indian belief called the everywhere spirit. You become part of the earth, the trees, the wind, and animals. I like to believe that this is where my daddy is . When the wind blows and brushes my cheek that is him. When the birds are chirping outside my window that is him. I choose to believe that he is watching his grandchildren grow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY !!!!! Gerald Edward Davis May 28,1938- October 5, 2007
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
One Journey has ended, but another has just began !!!
Well it is official I am Jewish woman !!!! I was asked if I feel any different ? I do ,but in a sense that I can not explain. I have been living my life as a Jewish woman for 3yrs now. I think as the days, weeks, and months pass I will notice more of the change. I do feel a great sense of pride to say I am a Jewish American !!!!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Reflection
The name of this post is Reflection and for good reason...Today I am reflecting on all I have learned in the last 6yrs. I normally tell people that I started my journey to Judaism 3 and half years ago, but truth be told it started about 3yrs before that. Before we ever attended our first Shabbat service or spoke with a Rabbi I had been learning, reading, and studying about Judaism.
I Reflect back on a trip that my family made about 6yrs ago. It was right about the time husband had brought the idea up to me. At this time I was still set against converting. I knew nothing about being a Jew and the image I had in my mind was more Amish than anything..LOL...During this car ride he was listening to a musician by the name of Matisyahu and I remember being very critical of this musician. Today this is one of my favorite Jewish artists.. I know now that was G-d telling me that this is where I need to be, but me not wanting to listen.
I also reflect on what I have learned. A few weeks ago I had my daughter (4) at the park. It was shortly before Easter and another mom whom I did not know started small talk. You know whats your name, how old is your daughter, do you work ? I answered them all, but when I told her I was a fitness instructor she looked at me a bit odd. Which I am used to know being an overweight fitness instructor you normally do get an odd look. She sold health supplements and of course was trying to get me to buy some. I explained to her that I have a thyroid condition that limits what I can take. She then ask me if I believe in healing...drum roll please....I said yes ..She then proceeded to say "you know the strips on his side were for our sins".. Normally I do not say " Hi my name is Crystal and I am a Jew.." LOL.. So of course she had no idea. I politely told her that I was Jewish and she then politely tried to Save Me..From what I am not sure..She seemed very confused that I didn't concern myself with heaven or hell.. I reflect on how I may have handled this situation before my journey began...Then I realize this would not have happened.
I also reflect on how grateful I am for the teachers that my children have. When they ask me to come in and talk about our Holiday's or festivals. Hanukkah is always a given to talk about , but this year I was asked to speak about Passover as well.
On this eve of my final step in my conversion journey, however just the beginning of my Jewish journey REFLECTION is the only thing that comes to mind.
I Reflect back on a trip that my family made about 6yrs ago. It was right about the time husband had brought the idea up to me. At this time I was still set against converting. I knew nothing about being a Jew and the image I had in my mind was more Amish than anything..LOL...During this car ride he was listening to a musician by the name of Matisyahu and I remember being very critical of this musician. Today this is one of my favorite Jewish artists.. I know now that was G-d telling me that this is where I need to be, but me not wanting to listen.
I also reflect on what I have learned. A few weeks ago I had my daughter (4) at the park. It was shortly before Easter and another mom whom I did not know started small talk. You know whats your name, how old is your daughter, do you work ? I answered them all, but when I told her I was a fitness instructor she looked at me a bit odd. Which I am used to know being an overweight fitness instructor you normally do get an odd look. She sold health supplements and of course was trying to get me to buy some. I explained to her that I have a thyroid condition that limits what I can take. She then ask me if I believe in healing...drum roll please....I said yes ..She then proceeded to say "you know the strips on his side were for our sins".. Normally I do not say " Hi my name is Crystal and I am a Jew.." LOL.. So of course she had no idea. I politely told her that I was Jewish and she then politely tried to Save Me..From what I am not sure..She seemed very confused that I didn't concern myself with heaven or hell.. I reflect on how I may have handled this situation before my journey began...Then I realize this would not have happened.
I also reflect on how grateful I am for the teachers that my children have. When they ask me to come in and talk about our Holiday's or festivals. Hanukkah is always a given to talk about , but this year I was asked to speak about Passover as well.
On this eve of my final step in my conversion journey, however just the beginning of my Jewish journey REFLECTION is the only thing that comes to mind.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
My Jewish Journey Part 3
I realized reading through my post that I never finished my series on my journey. I am hoping in Part 3 to finish up to the point I am at currently in my life.
So after three meetings with the Rabbi in which he sent us with a series of books to read he agreed to begin our conversion. For the first year of our conversion we meet with him when he was in town which was 1 to 2 times a month. There were even phone calls and lots of "homework". When his time was up at our local synagogue we received a new student Rabbi. With the many things going on at our synagogue there just didn't seem to be enough time to meet with the new student Rabbi like there was with the previous one. So we continued to study on our own reading new things and rereading things we had previously read. When that year was up bringing us to our current year we are in now (2010-2011) we received another student Rabbi.
Our congregation like I have mentioned in previous post is very small. So we do not have a Rabbi with us at all time. Instead we bring in Rabbinical students from HUC so it is not uncommon to have a different Rabbi every year or so.
I (we were) was overjoyed when the newest Rabbi was eager to help us complete on conversion. Although this is not a completion to my(our) journey, it is merely an ending to a chapter. For when you go through something like this you realize it really is like you are reading through the biggest book you have ever seen. Just about the time you think you are at the end of the book you realize there are many, many more chapters. If I had to guess I am on Chapter 2 right now. Eh not to bad 3 1/2 yrs to read 2 chapters in a book = ) . I think one of the biggest things that I have learned during this journey is that life is not a race. It is merely a gentle walk among a path that is to be savored each step of the way.
Although the path that I have taken is not for everyone I believe with my whole heart it is for me. It is the right choice for my family as well . With one chapter coming to an end I am very excited to see what the next chapter holds not only for me ,but for my family !!!!!!
So after three meetings with the Rabbi in which he sent us with a series of books to read he agreed to begin our conversion. For the first year of our conversion we meet with him when he was in town which was 1 to 2 times a month. There were even phone calls and lots of "homework". When his time was up at our local synagogue we received a new student Rabbi. With the many things going on at our synagogue there just didn't seem to be enough time to meet with the new student Rabbi like there was with the previous one. So we continued to study on our own reading new things and rereading things we had previously read. When that year was up bringing us to our current year we are in now (2010-2011) we received another student Rabbi.
Our congregation like I have mentioned in previous post is very small. So we do not have a Rabbi with us at all time. Instead we bring in Rabbinical students from HUC so it is not uncommon to have a different Rabbi every year or so.
I (we were) was overjoyed when the newest Rabbi was eager to help us complete on conversion. Although this is not a completion to my(our) journey, it is merely an ending to a chapter. For when you go through something like this you realize it really is like you are reading through the biggest book you have ever seen. Just about the time you think you are at the end of the book you realize there are many, many more chapters. If I had to guess I am on Chapter 2 right now. Eh not to bad 3 1/2 yrs to read 2 chapters in a book = ) . I think one of the biggest things that I have learned during this journey is that life is not a race. It is merely a gentle walk among a path that is to be savored each step of the way.
Although the path that I have taken is not for everyone I believe with my whole heart it is for me. It is the right choice for my family as well . With one chapter coming to an end I am very excited to see what the next chapter holds not only for me ,but for my family !!!!!!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Getting Excited !!!!!
I am so excited about the finalization of my (our families) conversion. It has been a very long journey , but a great journey at the same time. I have been very blessed to begin my journey with a wonderful Student Rabbi . At the same time I have been very blessed to end my journey with a very wonderful Student Rabbi. Not only will our current Student Rabbi be completing my (our) conversion she has arranged for the Student Rabbi who began my (our) journey to be there as well. So it will come full circle from beginning to end. Although this is just merely a formality for me ( my family) since I have been living my life as a Jewish woman for 3 yrs now.
None the less I am very excited that it will be finalized !!!!! It is hard to explain why this is so important to me ,but it is . For most faiths you just walk into their place of worship and say that you want to become part of their community then that is it. This journey has taught me so many things not just about others , but mostly about my self. I never realized how closed minded I was until I began this journey . Also I never realized how much I took what was taught to me at face value and when encouraged to challenge that find out it wasn't exactly the way I thought it was. I Love the peace that comes with my faith.
None the less I am very excited that it will be finalized !!!!! It is hard to explain why this is so important to me ,but it is . For most faiths you just walk into their place of worship and say that you want to become part of their community then that is it. This journey has taught me so many things not just about others , but mostly about my self. I never realized how closed minded I was until I began this journey . Also I never realized how much I took what was taught to me at face value and when encouraged to challenge that find out it wasn't exactly the way I thought it was. I Love the peace that comes with my faith.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My Grief
It has been awhile since I last posted. Not a whole lot has really happened since then. I would like to talk about another journey that I am on right now.. It is the journey of healing from loss. Three years and 4months ago I said goodbye to one of the most important men in my life. He was a man of word, a man of strength , and a man of self worth. He is the man to whom I compared all men to and still compare my husband too , to this day. This man I speak of is my father Gerald Edward Davis.
Although he was not a perfect man he was my father. His family meant everything to him. He would walk through fire or jump in front of a speeding bus for any of us. That didn't just stop with his wife of 40 some years and his children , but it also extend into his many branches of family and friends.
There are many times of the year that are especially hard for me. One being his birthday May 28, another being his date of death Oct 5, and my birthday Feb 28. I know you think well why would your birthday be so hard. I will tell you why.. Since I was a small child it was a running joke of the family that my dad was the one that has wanted me. Not that my mom didn't love me and want me as well , but she had endured 3 miscarriages and 3 live births by the time I was born. To say the least she was done and the thought of another pregnancy with three small children already I think scared the hell out of her. See in 1977 the wife still had to get written consent from her husband in order to get a tubal, my dad wouldn't sign until she had one more.. And you guessed it I was the one more..LOL...
I think my father pushed in hopes I would be born a boy seeing how they had 2 girls and 1boy. I just made girl number 3 which I don't think my dad minded a bit. I was his tomboy and was never much into the girl things. There is exactly 9 months to the day from his birthday to mine May 28- Feb 28 you do the math. I tease that we know what his present was the year of 1976..
With my birthday only a few weeks away my heart aches . It aches to hear his voice if only for just a moment. It aches to see his smile, to catch a glimpse of him in his flannel shirt, or a hint of his scent. It aches the most to touch him to give him one last hug and kiss. As I write this tears fill my eyes and stream down my cheeks. It hurts at times so bad that I truly think my heart will stop. It is days like this the come less frequently since his passing which scares me.
For my children I try to keep his memory alive for fear they won't know who he is. In reality my youngest doesn't and she never really will know who her grandfather was. She was merely 8 months old when he passed. My hope is that my oldest will remember bits of his grandfather , but the unsettling fear that my middle child will eventually forget is a harsh reality. I keep photos of him hanging in our dinning room and I try to talk about him as much as I can .
They say time heals all wounds I am not sure that is exactly true.. For my wound may not be as open or as jagged as when first made. My wound will never close and it will never fully heal. Grief is a powerful thing that you have to learn to live with and not allow it to live you ..
Although he was not a perfect man he was my father. His family meant everything to him. He would walk through fire or jump in front of a speeding bus for any of us. That didn't just stop with his wife of 40 some years and his children , but it also extend into his many branches of family and friends.
There are many times of the year that are especially hard for me. One being his birthday May 28, another being his date of death Oct 5, and my birthday Feb 28. I know you think well why would your birthday be so hard. I will tell you why.. Since I was a small child it was a running joke of the family that my dad was the one that has wanted me. Not that my mom didn't love me and want me as well , but she had endured 3 miscarriages and 3 live births by the time I was born. To say the least she was done and the thought of another pregnancy with three small children already I think scared the hell out of her. See in 1977 the wife still had to get written consent from her husband in order to get a tubal, my dad wouldn't sign until she had one more.. And you guessed it I was the one more..LOL...
I think my father pushed in hopes I would be born a boy seeing how they had 2 girls and 1boy. I just made girl number 3 which I don't think my dad minded a bit. I was his tomboy and was never much into the girl things. There is exactly 9 months to the day from his birthday to mine May 28- Feb 28 you do the math. I tease that we know what his present was the year of 1976..
With my birthday only a few weeks away my heart aches . It aches to hear his voice if only for just a moment. It aches to see his smile, to catch a glimpse of him in his flannel shirt, or a hint of his scent. It aches the most to touch him to give him one last hug and kiss. As I write this tears fill my eyes and stream down my cheeks. It hurts at times so bad that I truly think my heart will stop. It is days like this the come less frequently since his passing which scares me.
For my children I try to keep his memory alive for fear they won't know who he is. In reality my youngest doesn't and she never really will know who her grandfather was. She was merely 8 months old when he passed. My hope is that my oldest will remember bits of his grandfather , but the unsettling fear that my middle child will eventually forget is a harsh reality. I keep photos of him hanging in our dinning room and I try to talk about him as much as I can .
They say time heals all wounds I am not sure that is exactly true.. For my wound may not be as open or as jagged as when first made. My wound will never close and it will never fully heal. Grief is a powerful thing that you have to learn to live with and not allow it to live you ..
Saturday, January 29, 2011
My Jewish Journey !!!!
There have been some really exciting things happen since I last posted..This post I am going to focus on my faith. My boys were part of their first Jewish dedication last Friday night at our Shabbat service. They were given their consecration certificates and a small Torah. It was to make official their Jewish learning and Sunday school.. Now my oldest has been going to Sunday school for 3yrs now and my middle boy for 2 yrs now , but we thought it would really be great to have this ceremony for them now they also have another young boy in their class as well.. It was just so exciting..
We also nailed down a date for our conversion to be complete and that is May. Although I feel in every aspect that I am already Jewish. This is a mere formality to say the least. None the less it is very, very exciting.. This Journey has been the most amazing thing I have ever been on..I have discovered so much about myself and the way I truly want to live my life..
I try to find words that explain how I feel. It is not that easy to say the least.. There are many out there whom I know do not understand the journey that I am on.. That is fine with me we all have our own Journey's in life. They are not meant for other's to understand they are merely meant for us to understand.
On that note I shall close this post ....
We also nailed down a date for our conversion to be complete and that is May. Although I feel in every aspect that I am already Jewish. This is a mere formality to say the least. None the less it is very, very exciting.. This Journey has been the most amazing thing I have ever been on..I have discovered so much about myself and the way I truly want to live my life..
I try to find words that explain how I feel. It is not that easy to say the least.. There are many out there whom I know do not understand the journey that I am on.. That is fine with me we all have our own Journey's in life. They are not meant for other's to understand they are merely meant for us to understand.
On that note I shall close this post ....
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