Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Jewish Journey !!!!

There have been some really exciting things happen since I last posted..This post I am going to focus on my faith. My boys were part of their first Jewish dedication last Friday night at our Shabbat service. They were given their consecration certificates and a small Torah. It was to make official their Jewish learning and Sunday school.. Now my oldest has been going to Sunday school for 3yrs now and my middle boy for 2 yrs now , but we thought it would really be great to have this ceremony for them now they also have another young boy in their class as well.. It was just so exciting..

We also nailed down a date for our conversion to be complete and that is May. Although I feel in every aspect that I am already Jewish. This is a mere formality to say the least. None the less it is very, very exciting.. This Journey has been the most amazing thing I have ever been on..I have discovered so much about myself and the way I truly want to live my life..

I try to find words that explain how I feel. It is not that easy to say the least.. There are many out there whom I know do not understand the journey that I am on.. That is fine with me we all have our own Journey's in life. They are not meant for other's to understand they are merely meant for us to understand.

On that note I shall close this post ....

Monday, January 10, 2011

My weight loss Journey !!!!!

It has been a few days since I have posted anything on here just busy I guess. I am going to give my Jewish Journey a break in this blog and focus on something that has troubled me for years. My weight !!! All my life I have felt FAT , but looking back at photographs of myself I realize that I wasn't FAT at all... As a child I was average and as a teenager I was a little chunky, but looking that he pictures I could hardly call myself FAT.. I have however always had a self esteem issue for as long as I could remember .. Thinking and feeling that I wasn't as pretty or as good as the other girls around me.. I didn't date much in high school.. I actually had the same boyfriend all through high school, and if your thinking that is who I married you are thinking very wrong..

Even up until I meet my husband 10yrs ago I had a real problem with "self image"... Looking at pictures once again of when we meet I was chunky , but I was by no means obese.. I think I kind of got comfortable once we got married though .. The toll of having three children on your body alone..oy...Now I look back on all the times I thought I was heavy and I wasn't and now that I truly am it is hard to make myself believe it.. In my introduction I said that I am a fitness instructor and this is true..

Although being a fitness instructor gives me great self esteem when I am teaching ..When I am not teaching I can't help , but think about how disgusting I am. I chose to become a fitness instructor to help people. I figured that if obese people seen an obese instructor then they would feel comfortable taking my class. Now I am not sure if that has anything to do with.. All I know is I am tired of living in this body !! Tired of excuse after excuse !!! Tired of not being able to play with my children or walk up a flight of stairs without being winded !!!! I know I need to do something and only I can do it no one else..

Last year I joined weight watchers and lost 25lbs and all together I lost about 40lbs last year.. WoooHoooo Hoory !!!! Right !!!! Now I find myself slipping right back into the old habits that make me so comfortable and I have gained about 15lbs back... DAMN IT !!!! I am so sick and tired of being comfortable.. I don't want to be skinny I just want to be healthy , but the two go hand it hand.

Well enough of my rant on this ..I am sure I will post more at some point ..For those that reading Thanks for listening....

Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Jewish Journey Part 2

So once our son was home and healthy I decided that I really needed to find a place to call home with G-d.. I really researched Judaism by reading a lot of books and of course the good ole internet.. Then when our second child was 15months old I found out I was pregnant for yet the 3rd time.. By this time I had done all the research I needed as far as knowing that Judaism was the path that I wanted to go in and take my family in. So in the Spring of 2007 my baby girl was born , that same fall I lost my father to kidney failure. That is when I started actively looking for a synagogue so our family could begin our processes. Little did I know that it would take 3 plus years.

Converting to Judaism is nothing like I had ever experanced as a Christian. Even after all the reading about living a Jewish life and what it meant to be Jewish person it never prepared me for the processes I was about to under go. As a Christian if I wanted to join a congregation at a certain church I would just attend a few services profess my love for "Jesus" and BAM I was a member. It is nothing like that when you decide that you want to become Jewish. For one "Jesus" is not a factor in your beliefs any longer. Everything is based on the Torah (Old Testament) and it's writings, but they are not alone. There are other writings as well that you study. The studing part seems to be a never ending part of being Jewish ..

Anyways back from my rant after the birth of our daughter and the death of my father I activly sought out a synagogue .. It just so happens the town I live in does have one ,yes just one Jewish place of worship . If I choose to drive an hour either way from my town I will find others in the bigger cities, but there is not need for that. The one that we have is just right for me it may not be the biggest , but it is the mightiest in my opinion. So my (our) Journey begin then at a Shabbat service where we actually met with a Student Rabbi who in tradition turned us away 3 times to make sure this was the path we wanted .

Once again I shall end my post here and begin again with part 3 of My Jewish Journey..

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Talking about my Jewish Journey .

I want to talk a little about my religious journey that I am on..The word Journey does fit this best because it has been 3yrs in the making. Let me start at the begining and then move forward. I am sure that I will not get everything in this one post so just bare with me for the continued parts.LOL...

Let me start with my religious background which is interesting to say the least.. We didn't go to church every Sunday or even on Holiday's for that matter. When my siblings were younger I am told that my parents went often to church ,but stop before I can remember it at all. My father was raised Jehovah Witness ,although I can not speak of a personal experance I can speak from a propective of being raised by someone who was ousted by the church. My mom from what I gather was raised Baptist, but she never really spoke of them going to church on a regular basis. Because of my father's bad experance with the Jehovah Witness's like I said before we did not attend church. I did however attend with Aunts when I was younger and friends as well I attended everything from Baptist to Pentecostal when it came to churches.

When I was about 17 I started having a lot of pain in my lower stomach. My mom took me to many female doctors and what they discoverd was that I had something that was called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) along with anovulatory ovaries..Humm...I know a lot of big words ,but from what I gather the PCOS is not that uncommon. What made me stand up and pay attention was at 17 yrs old being told that "I would never concieve and child naturally".. WOW I know right a lot for a young girl to take in.. So setting in that room that day I made a pact with G-d I told him that if he allowed me to become a mother someday I would raise that child to know and love him as I do..

Fast forward now about 7yrs I have now met the man of my dreams and we want to have a family..Only problem with this is I am no longer attending any type of church. G-d blessed me exactly one month after I wed my husband we found out we had concieved a child. After the baby was born I tried going to many churches ,but none of them felt right . Almost 2yrs to the day of our first child being born G-d blessed us with yet another baby boy.. I knew it was game time at this point G-d had full filled his part , yet I had not. Then our second child was born my husband brought up the idea of converting to Judaism..

Hold on to your Hats I know what you are thinking ..Given my background at being primarily Pentecostal ,how could I even think of doing this.. To be honest I shut him down didn't even give it a second thought until our son was born ...He was taken from my arms and shipped to a nicu unit where he spent the first 8 days of his life..This made me wake up and think of a path that I wanted for my children .. So I decided without letting my husband know of course to look into Judaism..No need to tell him of course because it wasn't an option after all right..*wink *wink...

I think for now I will end here and pick this up on my next post about my Jewish Journey...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Well today I decided to start a Blog ?

Hummm...Today of all days I decided to start a Blog just about me.. Not sure why and really not sure if anyone out there is even interested in reading what I have to ramble about. So here goes nothing.. The main title page of my Blog is My Journey it is that for many reason. Mainly b/c I am on a lot of Journey's right now in my life metaphorically speaking of course.

I started the most wonderful journey I could ever imagine 3yrs ago, with my husband and children of course, when I decided to become Jewish. Although it has not been as easy as I first thought it would be I would not change a minute of it.. It has show me so many things that I was missing in my life. I have become a more patient and tolerant person because of this single choice that I have made in my life. I will definately touch on this journey more in future entries.

Another HUGE journey I am on right now is reclaiming my life from obesity.. Currently I set at 250lbs yes I wrote that for all the world to see .. Friends and strangers alike , to be honest just looking at it scares the hell out of me.. Three years ago I lost my father he was only 69yrs old and his lifestyle is why he died. Although his additction was not to food as mine is his was to alcohol, which I feel that one is just as bad as the other.. Yes that is right I just admitted that I am addicted food . I love everything about food the way it smells, the way it tastes, the way it makes me feel when I eat it...In the last year I have became a fitness instructor yes you read that right a 250lb fitness I will also touch on as I post more about My Journey !!!

I Hope I spark and interest and people want to read what I write .. Wheather anyone reads this or not really doesn't matter ...I am a normal person just like you , and you , and yes YOU !!!! There are many other Journey's that I am on right now ,but these are the two biggest..