It has been a few days since I have posted anything on here just busy I guess. I am going to give my Jewish Journey a break in this blog and focus on something that has troubled me for years. My weight !!! All my life I have felt FAT , but looking back at photographs of myself I realize that I wasn't FAT at all... As a child I was average and as a teenager I was a little chunky, but looking that he pictures I could hardly call myself FAT.. I have however always had a self esteem issue for as long as I could remember .. Thinking and feeling that I wasn't as pretty or as good as the other girls around me.. I didn't date much in high school.. I actually had the same boyfriend all through high school, and if your thinking that is who I married you are thinking very wrong..
Even up until I meet my husband 10yrs ago I had a real problem with "self image"... Looking at pictures once again of when we meet I was chunky , but I was by no means obese.. I think I kind of got comfortable once we got married though .. The toll of having three children on your body alone..oy...Now I look back on all the times I thought I was heavy and I wasn't and now that I truly am it is hard to make myself believe it.. In my introduction I said that I am a fitness instructor and this is true..
Although being a fitness instructor gives me great self esteem when I am teaching ..When I am not teaching I can't help , but think about how disgusting I am. I chose to become a fitness instructor to help people. I figured that if obese people seen an obese instructor then they would feel comfortable taking my class. Now I am not sure if that has anything to do with.. All I know is I am tired of living in this body !! Tired of excuse after excuse !!! Tired of not being able to play with my children or walk up a flight of stairs without being winded !!!! I know I need to do something and only I can do it no one else..
Last year I joined weight watchers and lost 25lbs and all together I lost about 40lbs last year.. WoooHoooo Hoory !!!! Right !!!! Now I find myself slipping right back into the old habits that make me so comfortable and I have gained about 15lbs back... DAMN IT !!!! I am so sick and tired of being comfortable.. I don't want to be skinny I just want to be healthy , but the two go hand it hand.
Well enough of my rant on this ..I am sure I will post more at some point ..For those that reading Thanks for listening....
No comments:
Post a Comment